The Pact Read online

  The excitement she’d been feeling vanished. The more time she spent with her mum, the less they got along. If for no other reason she wanted to move out to salvage the relationship they once shared. Her plan to leave on the weekend now seemed too far off, the following day a more appealing option.

  “I have no interest in fighting with you, Flic, I love you and want you to be happy.”

  “Good, then stop trying to tell me what’s best for my life. I have to do this my own way.”

  She nodded her head, and, although Flic recognised it as forced, she smiled. “Fair enough. I’m sorry. I don’t want to lose you. You of all people should understand what it’s like to lose someone they care about.” She crossed the room and embraced Flic in an awkward hug.

  A commotion outside interrupted the moment. Flic didn’t need to see him to know that Jason was responsible for causing the ruckus.

  “Oh for Christ sake, why won’t he take a hint?” Fed up with Jason’s persistence, she stepped away from her mum, as he bashed on the front door, and yelled to ensure he was heard. “I’m going to tell him to get lost and then I’m coming back in here to finish packing. I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”

  Flic stormed through the house like a mad person on a mission, she intended to create such a scene he’d wish he hadn’t set foot on the property.

  When she flung the front door open Jason looked up and smiled. “I knew you wouldn’t stay locked in there forever.” He stepped back, hands wedged into his pockets, and looked her over like a breeder would a stud horse, then took a step forward.

  “You come anywhere near me and I’ll call the police.”

  Jason hesitated, and then stopped.

  “I came out here to tell you I’m leaving because of you, and as soon as I can file for divorce I will, but until then if you don’t rack off and leave my family alone I’ll take a restraining order out against you and drag your arse through court until you’ve nothing left but the clothes on your back, do you understand?”

  Jason stared at her in obvious shocked. “I just wanted to tell you I love you, and that I’ll change.”

  “Fuck off, Jason. I don’t love you, so leave me alone.” Turning around Flic went back inside, closed the door and locked it. Spying out the peephole, she saw him pause a moment before turning to walk away. That was too easy. Flic waited for the abuse, the throwing of pot plants, or kicking of cars, but it never came.

  Her mum was standing in the hallway, the look of disapproval on her face again.

  “Maybe marriage counselling would’ve been a kinder next step Flic.”

  “Mum, just because you’re a shrink doesn’t mean someone in your profession can fix what’s happened, nor can they erase the past. I’ll never forgive him and I don’t want to talk to anyone about it. I just need to get away from here.”

  “Running away won’t erase the past either, you have to deal with it or it’ll haunt you forever.”

  “Can’t you be a mother for once and leave the shrink at the office, please. I have faced it. Every morning I wake up without Ellie, I face it. It’ll haunt me forever no matter how many therapists I go to. I want her back, and no one can make that happen. Why can’t you understand?”

  Sally drew in a deep breath. She wasn’t going to win this round. “All right then, where will you go, what will you do for work?”

  “I’m not sure about the work yet, I’ll clean houses if I have to.” Flic paused not wanting to upset her mother. “I can’t stay here. I don’t want to deal with him anymore.”

  “Maybe you could get a teaching job in the country. You always wanted to, whilst you were studying.”

  “I’m not going back to teaching.” Flic knew she would never be able to face a class full of students when the only child she desired to see was Ellie. She couldn’t stand to watch parents say goodbye every morning, or the student’s faces light up when they arrived to collect them each afternoon. The way they would run into their mother’s arms for the security provided from a hug, so happy to see them at the end of each day.

  She couldn’t do it.

  How she’d delighted in the surge of immense love for her little girl every day she’d been a mother. Picking her up from kindergarten, she missed the look of pride on Ellie’s face every time she handed over the masterpiece she’d created during their time apart. The smell of fresh poster paint on butcher paper, the sticky feeling of too much glue on her box worked creations. To go back to teaching was yet another reminder she was no longer a mother, that she could no longer offer the security with something as simple as a loving embrace. She’d failed to protect her daughter, and would suffer the consequences for the rest of her life.

  Flic went back to her packing.

  By ten o’clock she was finished. Not wanting to waste any time she dragged the suitcases and bags into the front entry ready to take out to her car. When stacked together she wondered how they’d fit in her little hatchback. Even folding the seats forward there wasn’t a lot of room.

  “We can load the car in the morning. It’s too late now, and I’m going to bed.”

  “Okay, goodnight then.”

  Sally narrowed her eyes, and Flic knew she’d been expecting her to protest. “Goodnight.”

  Waiting five minutes before opening the front door, Flic struggled with the first of the two suitcases. The smaller bags would be easy to carry, but couldn’t be put in the car until the large cases were in place. With the first one left to prop open the flyscreen door, Flic went back for the other. Once outside, with the front door closed, she was able to roll the cases along the path to the driveway. That was the easy part. Manoeuvring them to fit like puzzle pieces in the back of her car was going to be difficult.

  Having forgotten to turn the driveway light on, the car was mostly in darkness. For this load she’d make do with the interior lights. Folding the seats forward created a more workable space. Grateful for the lack of light, hiding her less than graceful struggle with the heavy cases, as she heaved them into place.

  Stepping back, the satisfaction of managing both cases on her own was evident by the smile on her face. Who needed a man for the heavy jobs? Turning around to fetch the rest of the bags Flic jumped. “Jason, you scared me.”

  Leaning against the wall of the house, he was blocking the path to the front door. How often did he do this? Lurk around in the night waiting for an opportunity to pounce?

  “Flic, baby, I miss you. Don’t keep doing this, come home with me.” His words slurred as he begged.

  “You’re drunk, Jason, go home. I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  He reached out with one hand, but didn’t touch her. “Aww, don’t be like that.”

  “You seem to forget, I’m capable of making my own decisions. You’re drunk, and in no state to be driving. You wishing another death on your hands?” Flic couldn’t stop the venomous outbursts that seemed to arise whenever Jason was involved. The attack she launched on him achieved nothing, but the smell of alcohol and his suggestion to drive infuriated her. The compassion she once had in regard to his weakness was gone. “When I’m away I want you to stop harassing my mum. I won’t be here, so leave her alone.”

  “Where are you going? I’ll come too. I’ll do anything to make you happy again.”

  “Anything?”

  “You name it.”

  “Leave me alone. We’ll never be together again. Why won’t you listen to me?”

  He tipped his head back and laughed. The crazed sound of a man on the brink of madness made her shudder. “Actually, forget it.” She didn’t have to put up with him anymore, so began to walk past him, as he moved to block her path.

  “You’re my wife and you’re not going anywhere without me.” Jason grabbed her by the top of her arms and shook hard. Flic tried to resist, but his grip tightened. He pushed her against the bricks of the house with such force, knocking the breath from her. Her head hit the wall with a crack, pain radiated and she cried out. Forcing his mouth over her
s he stifled her cry. Dragging her hands above her head and holding them like a vice in one of his hands, he ran the other down her arm and the length of her body. She struggled, trying to break free from the cage he’d formed around her, but his weight was impossible for her to shift.

  Flic tried to focus as fear threatened to take over. Imprisoned beneath him she stilled herself, and, using the wall as a means to balance, she thrust her knee forward with as much force as she could muster. Flic hit her target.

  Chapter Two

  TUCKED UP IN BED AND completely exhausted Flic lay awake. Her mind ran through the events of the evening as if on replay. As much as she tried to shut them out they forced their way through, like an enemy invasion.

  Was it not enough, when the night set in, she imagined her baby alone? Ellie’s laughter, her sweet voice, as she sang her dolls to sleep, her cries in the night after a bad dream were clear to Flic, as if no time had passed. Not being able to hold her, when she was scared of the dark, was the cruellest torture.

  Her body ached to breathe. Flic’s gut constricted, as if someone had taken grip, pulverising her inners until they were nothing more than desiccated scraps, worthy of crows feed. Curled up in the foetal position she wrapped her arms around her middle. Involuntary sounds escaped her lips. Sobs betrayed her effort to remain quiet, as they ripped through her.

  Two lives, not one, were lost that night. Hers, now a pitiful waste of resources, as she suffered, trapped in a lifeless shell.

  Eventually sleep found her. It was anything but restful as the nightmares descended and she, too weak to fend them off, succumbed to their control.

  HER MOTHER HAD LONG since left for work when the sound of the doorbell startled her. Flic, convinced it was Jason, crept into the front passage. The bell chimed again and she released a short but high-pitched yelp as her heart rate soared. They were persistent, she’d give them that. She peered through the peephole. Flowers hindered her view until a face peered around in search for the doorbell that chimed again. Flic jumped even though she expected it.

  She drew in a deep breath then opened the door, and stepped outside, as the delivery guy turned away.

  “Oh, you’re home, good. Felicity Hanley?”

  “Yes.” The sound of Jason’s surname made her cringe.

  “For you.” He smiled.

  She plucked the card from the plastic stake in the centre of the arrangement. Bright and colourful, once upon a time a delivery of this nature would have lit up her day. Did he honestly think flowers would make amends?

  I’m sorry, baby. Please let us start over. J xx

  Tearing the card up, pieces fell like snowflakes to the ground as she took the arrangement and it too met the pavement. Shock, evident on the delivery guy’s face, faded to a frown before settling to a smirk as she began jumping on the flowers.

  Her head ached from the night before, but the pain inspired her to keep going.

  Instead of leaving, as she suspected he wanted to, the delivery guy stood and watched as she released the crazy she’d been harbouring for eight months.

  Exhausted, Flic stopped jumping and staggered back to rest against the doorframe.

  “I guess he won’t be getting a second date.” He sniggered. “Feel better?”

  “That was therapeutic, I must admit. Too bad for the flowers.” The delicate petals of bright pink mixed with white, bruised and smudged into paving bricks. It was quite symbolic, a reflection of their marriage now ruined beyond repair.

  She didn’t want to deal with anything that reminded her of the beauty that once filled her life, or the ugly that now consumed it. An escape was what she needed, a life away from those who were waiting for her to crack, or to lose the plot completely. A place that people didn’t know her, where memories didn’t linger.

  For the first time since the day Ellie was stolen from her, Flic knew a change was exactly what she needed. She didn’t regret leaving Jason. The more contact she had with him, the more he reinforced her decision was the right one.

  “IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE never going to see me again.” Flic hugged her mother for the fifth time in fifteen minutes.

  “I worry about you, is all.”

  “Please don’t. I’ll be fine.”

  “Write to me?”

  “Honestly Mum.” She couldn’t help but smile. “We do have telephones, I’m sure we won’t need to resort to snail mail.”

  Her mother giggled despite her tears.

  “I’m going to miss you.” Another hug. “Drive safe.”

  Flic looked at her car, packed to the roof, with only enough space for her to sit in the driver’s seat. There was no turning back now. After a quick scan of the street to ensure Jason wasn’t lurking, she climbed in.

  “Phone me as soon as you arrive,” her mother called, as Flic backed out of the driveway.

  She nodded, held her hand up in a final wave and drove away.

  Excitement crept in, mixed with the guilt and sadness that never left her for long. She didn’t doubt the months ahead would be difficult, but focusing on something other than her misery couldn’t do her any harm, surely. It wasn’t as though she’d be far from home if things didn’t work out. She could pack her car and return the same day. Although, moving back with her mother wasn’t an option.

  She figured this to be what her mother meant when she said that it’d get easier over time. The pain of loss remained, missing Ellie more than she could describe, but she was ready to start making decisions again and to follow through with them. Baby steps, but certainly progress from the recluse she’d become.

  Flic enjoyed the scenic drive south of the city, the new highway a much quicker way to travel than the roundabout route she used to take. Margaret River had been a popular destination for her as a teenager. At the time, it was the best surfing spot in Western Australia, home to the Pro Championships, and as an amateur surfer she never argued its reputation. She loved the beach, the freedom atop a board, riding waves or even watching from the shore. It all came to an end when she met Jason, because surfing wasn’t his thing. She tried to remember what he enjoyed to do back then, other than drinking, but she came up empty.

  What attracted her to him besides his bad boy reputation and good looks, she couldn’t remember. With bright blue eyes and thick black hair, he’d captured her attention on first sight.

  Even still he was a good-looking man. He’d aged a lot in recent months, no doubt due to excessive alcohol consumption, mixed with the guilt and bitterness he harboured like a plague.

  Flic turned on the radio hoping to steer her thoughts from him and instead to lose her self in the lyrics that beat from the speakers. Switching from station to station she realised she didn’t know any of the songs playing, so changed the setting to CD. The familiar voice of Lana Del Rey filled the car, and she smiled.

  In no hurry to arrive at the hotel, and making good time, Flic stopped for lunch in Busselton. The over crowded restaurants made for an easy decision, buying a sandwich and bottle of apple juice, she took her lunch and sat under the shade of a tree by the beach. The cool breeze off the water felt good against her skin. The salty air wreaked havoc on her already wavy hair, spinning it into spirals around her face. She’d grown to like her curls after wrestling with them each morning as a teenager, even going so far as ironing them once. It didn’t work. Her hair sizzled, smoked and clumped, as if fused in a melted mess. Every time she turned the iron on, it smelt as if it’d been used to brand cattle. Flic gave up trying after that and left the straightening to professionals, but only on special occasions.

  She loved Busselton, the calm beaches, restaurants lining the waterfront, and unique little stores along the main drag. If she hadn’t already made a booking in Margaret River she would have considered staying a while.

  Her mother insisted a reservation was necessary, especially since Flic had never travelled alone. She did try to explain that Margaret River was hardly considered travelling, but her mother refused to listen and ma
de enquiries anyway. If nothing else, that was the final push to put her plan into action. Her mother found an apartment and, with Flic’s approval, booked it for a month, which she insisted on paying for.

  “Geez you are relieved to be getting rid of me,” Flic had teased.

  “You know that’s not true, but I work and earn all this money and other than you I have no one else to spend it on.”

  “You should try spending it on yourself.”

  It hadn’t always been easy for them. When her father was around, he spent every last cent on big boy toys and gifts for his girls. Generous, but irresponsible, he rarely left enough money for food and other bills. The best thing her mother ever did was divorce him.

  Flic sighed. She was sitting with the most beautiful view in front of her yet her thoughts were still with the ugliness of her past—like an anchor dragging her down.

  Flic walked from store to store browsing the many treasures they contained. It was a pity she didn’t have room in her car. So many pieces she’d like to buy for the new life she was building. But, she had plenty of time, and didn’t need to rush. She almost laughed aloud when her thoughts reflected her mother’s words. Okay, so maybe there was some truth in what she said.

  A stationery store caught Flic’s eye. Being a stationery addict from when she was a child, she only ever obtained notebooks too beautiful to use. Although, they were usually bought with the intent for display, deep down she hoped she would cave in to temptation and write in one. She never did. However, this notebook she was buying for a purpose.

  Flic saw the one as soon as she walked in. Drawn to it immediately, with an archaic style brown leather wrap around cover, a replica of those seen on fantasy movies she’d often admired. To be certain she wasn’t being too impulsive, Flic wandered around only to discover an entire section dedicated to leather bound journals. After much deliberation she purchased the first one she’d seen.